this little light of mine....

I've lost it. It went away with you two. First it was dimmed...but now its gone. I don't know how to get it back. I thought I had found a spark that would ignite is as bright as the sun, but im just not so sure anymore. I hardly even know where I am at, if I'm going forwards or am I going backwards? Is it day or is it night? It doesn't matter because all I want to do is shut my eyes so that I can see you smile again, laugh again or better yet see the life that could have been. You know the one I always dreamed of? The one where you get to meet my child, where I would have a fit for you spoiling rotten. The day I get to see you teaching the same values you implored in me. Where I get to see your proud faces for what I've done with my life and the innocent child who I raised. If I am lucky I get to see you being called great grandparents. I don't know, it doesn't matter because... in my dreams I can live whatever life I want. In that life, I wont see you age or full of worries. I won't see one gray hair. Better yet you wont see me in my life struggles, because in there it will all be okay. Truth is, I miss you two greatly. I feel like a baby without her security blanket. You two were my security blanket and now I feel lost without it. It was ripped away from me ....too soon. I needed more time, there was so much more for me to show you, to tell you. So many more hugs and kisses that needed to be given. It's not fair, I had to grow up pretty quick and be an adult and now that you're gone all I want to do is be a kid again.  

I love you and miss you Mom and Dad... I wish I could stop this pain.

your baby,

Azalia